I’m Trying Not to be All Woe is Me
May 20, 2008
Today I am painfully aware that something is missing from my life. God has done so much over the past 6 months, things I thought were impossible, but there is one thing that is still, seemingly, not any closer to happening. The fact is folks, that while I have a great job, a great relationship with God, and have just discovered amazing new family members, there is still one thing that is missing. I am a 24 year old single man.
Every relationship I’ve been in has taught me something about myself that I didn’t know before… So they’ve all been good, or at least had some good results in the end, but I’m getting to that point in life where I really want someone to share EVERYTHING with. God is doing all these exciting things in my life, and there’s no one to tell them about, at least no one who can feel their true impact. I want a partner in my life. I have two friends who are my age and not married, and those two friends are on opposite sides of the “great divide”. One of them is single, and has no intention of even looking for anyone, the other is single and so desperate to find some one sometimes it’s all this person can think about (I’m trying to be vague here so as not to reveal the secret identities of these peopleJ)… I’ve always considered myself somewhere between these two extremes. “I’d really like to have someone, but I’m doing ok alone”… That’s been my attitude in the past… but that is changing. It’s getting harder and harder, as I get older to be “alone”… I know that 24 isn’t that old, but it’s not even the age really, it’s just where I am in my life. I need someone to share my life with.
I’m a… different person, everyone knows that, and while I like that about myself most of the time, when I’m trying to find people who I might be compatible with, it tends to complicate things. I am a difficult person to be in a relationship with, I know that about myself, but, the same things that make me difficult are the things that have brought about 90% of the good stuff in my life too.
I didn’t date in high school, so I never really learned how to be in a relationship, which is one reason it’s hard to date me… The thing is, I don’t know how to even ask a girl out, or even what kind of girl I’d want to ask out. I guess I always just assumed God would do just put someone in my life, and it would all just “happen”… It isn’t happening J I’ve been praying a lot lately about this particular issue and I don’t seem to be getting anyplace at all. I feel like I am ready to be in a relationship, obviously God feels differently. Either that, or I’m just not doing what I need to be doing to get this thing moving…
I guess that’s my major point of confusion… Do I start taking matters into my own hands, and trying to meet people, or do I keep “waiting on God”… I’m not saying that I am thinking of not considering God’s will in a relationship, I’m just saying maybe I need to be more proactive in finding someone…
It probably doesn’t help that I don’t think I’m over the last person I dated… Anytime I think of being in a relationship anyone else, somehow I don’t think it can compare to the one I had with her. We didn’t date long, just one summer, but she did more than she’ll ever know in that summer… I don’t think she realized the depth of my feelings for her, because I wasn’t able to show them to her. That, of course, resulted in the end of the relationship, but I still can’t bring myself to let go if it… She was everything I wanted… everything I thought I needed.
So, I’m sure this is as confusing to you as it is to me, but this is one of the times where I just had to write it all out…
The long and the short of I guess it this: I want to be with someone, and I don’t know how to get that. Any advice would be helpful J
put yourself out there. best advice i’ve ever heard. i know exactly what you mean when you say you didn’t date in high school and thus missed out on the dating 101 class that every other kid attended during those years. it’s okay. here’s what you missed in a nutshell:
hope it helps!
-if you want to meet someone, just open your eyes when your at the places you normally go to. church, coffee shop, library, work, whatever. don’t try to change it up and go weird places your uncomfortable in to find someone because the people who frequent those places will not likely be interested in the same activities you are.
-be kind. it’s the most fundamental part of any lasting relationship. learn to take a step back when you’re upset before you say things you don’t mean. be honest about your feelings, even if it feels safer to hide behind games; honesty will win the day, even if the result isn’t one you immediately like.
-trusting God to act is vital, but not the piece in the puzzle. my friends used to tell me that the most important part of being a student, or even just a believer, is to put yourself in the best place possible for God to do things in your life. to really create all the opportunities possible for Him to take advantage of so that you don’t limit what He can do with the gifts He gave you. meaning in this instance, develop yourself as a man of God. learn His word and apply its meaning, making yourself into the likeness of the Lord in every way possible so that God can work to bring you the woman He sees best for you.
i know this is long, but it’s the best distillation i can come up with.