Forty Days and Thirty-Nine Nights…

Since my last cigarette and still no violent crimes!

I do dream about smoking fairly often, I dream that I have forgetten that I’ve quit and I catch myself smoking… It’s a weird dream, and it’s almost exactly the same every time I have it. It actually stegthens my resolve to keep up with this quitting thing because of how bad I feel about myself when I’m smoking in the dream…

So far I haven’t turned into a complete fat ass, although I have gained 5-10 lbs depending on the day. My wieght tends to flucuate (sp) anyway, so legistically it’s probably more like 3-7 lbs… Which is minimal compared to the last time I tried to quit.

So, I’m happy to report that after forty days my car finally, almost, does not reek of stale smoke… for the first time in over 6 years!

… And My Heart is the Same.

… And My Heart is the Same

 

My neck hurts

And my heart is the same

The ones at the top,
They think it’s a shame

But they don’t think enough

To make a change.

 

I miss the smiles,

And the tears

And calming irrational fears

 

I miss the chaos

And the accomplishment

And feeling like I was sent

 

I miss belonging,

And telling stories about Him

And praying with all of them.

 

I miss the jingle of my keys

And the bugs

And the hugs

 

I miss the little yellow bus

And the feel of the sun on my face

I miss that place

 

I hate learning things,

I only like to know them

One day, it’ll be over

One day I’ll be done

 

Until then…

Lets hope the tie never gets too tight

Lets hope it doesn’t choke out the life that’s left

Lets hope the child is never forced out

Lets hope the tie never gets… too tight

 

My neck hurts,

and heart is the same